There's a reason my TV is always on

Almost 2 am & what am I doing? Up.. alone.. making myself upset.
If you don't know what it's like to be without you're husband for a while (& I'm talking no communication except for an occasional letter) 1. I'm so stinking jealous of you & 2. You don't know how lonely you can be even in a house full of people.
Tonight (much like many other nights since Ryans been gone) I have tears rolling down my face & the only one to wipe them away & tell me I'm being stupid (selfish, even?) Isn't here to do it.
I can't lay on his chest with his arm around me, fingers mindlessly twirling a no-so-perfect square inch of my hair while we half-watch some TV show because he's kissing my forehead & I'm too busy focusing on his heart beat & the warmth of his skin.
That's all I want... just plain & simple. & I've come to the conclusion that, yes, I am being a bit selfish & wallowing in self-pity, but I don't care. Not really.